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Happy Birthday! Each year, I honor your special day by imparting a few words of advice. And every year, I pray for your bright future, that your hopes and dreams will come true, and that you will be able to walk along an easier path than I.
Yet, in many ways, you and other teenagers have it tougher today than I did at your age. Black boys have an especially difficult time as they approach adulthood, and I sometimes feel helpless when I think about all of the tools you’ll need to navigate the world.
Mothers of black boys have so many daily fears! I’m afraid for your safety every time you walk out of our front door. One statistic is especially worrisome: young black men were nine times more likely than other Americans to be killed by police officers in 2015, according to the findings of a Guardian study that recorded a final tally of 1,134 deaths at the hands of law enforcement officers last year.
Teenagers also face enormous social pressures to conform to outdated and destructive “norms” among African-Americans. Barack Obama has been President of the United States now for seven years – and there are countless other leaders of color around the country – yet I am saddened that you are chastised by some of your schoolmates for “talking proper and acting white.” I heard the same thing while growing up in North Little Rock, AR in the mid-70’s, and that kind of bullying stung then, too. Unfortunately, using correct grammar, getting good grades and striving for success can still make a young black boy or girl feel lonely. The act of just being yourself can somehow still hurt or offend others.
As a young man, you will have to continually manage academic, social, family and racial pressures. Creating and following your own personal compass to steer you in the right direction will help you when life’s challenges arise. Developing your compass starts with:
Never selling yourself short. You are worthy and unique, not only because you are an honor roll student and a great soccer player. You are also a kind, compassionate, respectful and honest young man, and these traits will make you highly employable – and dateable, too! Remember to occasionally pat yourself on the back as you strengthen these muscles.
Trusting your gut. Learning to “hear” your intuition is a challenging thing, but it is incredibly important! When your gut “tells” you something or a certain thought pops up out of nowhere – don’t be afraid to voice it or follow its instruction. Others may have a different opinion, but always follow your instincts and don’t back down.
Finding the lesson in every mistake. I have figured out the hard way that you will make more mistakes in life than you care to admit. Accept that everyone makes them and that they are part of learning how to do things properly. In fact, if you aren’t making mistakes, you aren’t growing. Learn how to be comfortable making smart, informed and appropriate risks – just don’t do them on social media!
Helping others. You are fortunate to posses so many gifts (innate intelligence, poise, charisma and terrific manners). How amazing would it be to put all of them to use by making a difference in the lives of others? Regularly volunteering at a local nursing home, helping to deliver food to homeless families, or teaching a young person to read can be incredibly rewarding. I hope that you will come to love giving to those who are less fortunate as you live your best full and happy life.
Remember one thing: I will never be able to adequately describe the love and pride in my heart for you. Remember that no matter where your life leads, I will always be your mother, your friend and your number one fan!
I love you, now and always.
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